Friday, April 30, 2010

The Difference between Porch and Porsche

Another Blond Moment

A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about R50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house? That's a bit dishonest, isn't it?'

The man replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes', the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the R50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten-Rand tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus
'.

This is funny "Dear Penis"


If you are a prude don't watch this song

Afrikaans Schools now under attack!

Just who is racist and what is the motive behind this stupid attack on Afrikaans medium schools?
---------
The Congress of SA Students (Cosas) on Friday called for the closure of Afrikaans medium schools.

"Cosas condemns any racial tendencies that seeks to close doors of learning for the black African students, who are indigenous people of this country and Africa at large by having foreign, un-original Afrikaans as a medium of instruction in some racist schools, more especially in the West Rand region under racist Afrikaners management," a statement from Gauteng provincial secretary Oagile Louw said.

"We therefore call... for the immediate closure of such schools."

The call was reminiscent of events that led up to the 1976 clashes on June 16 between pupils and police in Soweto. These and the subsequent shootings of a number of schoolchildren, came during a march in protest against Afrikaans being used as a language of instruction at schools.

Cosas also threatened to drive "disruptive" SA Democratic Teachers' Union (Sadtu) members off school premises saying they are not committed to offering quality education.

Cosas urged Sadtu leadership to "stop forming part of the furniture in their fancy offices" and to call their members to order.

Cosas sent good wishes to students preparing for the mid-year exams, saying they must stay away from fast food to maintain a healthy state of mind, use study groups and, even during the Soccer World Cup must gather together in the spirit of the Cosas motto: "Each one Teach one".

Cosas also sent a message of support to ANC Youth League president Julius Malema, during his "difficult and trying times".

Malema's diary on Monday includes a reported disciplinary hearing and an Equality Court complaint related to some of his public comments. - Sapa

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The very unofficial road test on the new Taxis for the Recapitalisation Programme

The Unofficial Road Test Report
---------------

The Taxi Recapitalisation Programme

Inevitably, the National Taxi Drivers’ Organisation has asked my friend, Philemon Tshabalala, the demon taxi-driver of Diepsloot, to road-test these new, safer 18 and 35 seater maxi-taxis. The Transport Minister wants these vehicles to replace the notoriously dangerous minibus taxis. Otherwise known as High Impact African Culling Equipment (HiAce for short),


Philemon’s’ report has caused a stir among the manufacturers,


Maxi-taxi road test by Philemon Tshabalala:


‘My test shows that the 35-seater holds 157 passengers, at a squeeze, so to speak. The roof managed to support a good three tons of luggage, chickens, goats and building material. This is a big advantage over the minibuses. Despite a cargo of this magnitude, during my test run to Pietersburg, the vehicle handled well and experienced very few serious accidents. I did encounter one blow out on the left rear tyre where Mrs Gumbe was sitting she does weigh a lot I think more than 240 kgs

-

At one time the back assembly became incandescent or glowing a red colour because the handbrake had been left on. This ignited the petrol tank, but most passengers managed to alight. (Alert readers will spot Philemons’ little pun.) We however managed to repair the bus at the roadside with pieces of corrugated iron and wire using a hammer and resumed our journey.

-

The bus, now reduced to a 26-seater, was in fact now much easier to handle, especially when cornering at speeds in excess of 160kms per hour. I liked the 18-seater as It can accommodate 77 passengers – nine under the seats and one in the spacious engine compartment (at reduced fare.) It put up an impressive performance on the Soweto route, but only after the electronic speed-governor had been neutralised by striking it with a pipe wrench. This speed control device will not be well accepted. Crawling down the Soweto highway at a governed 60 km/h would certainly be inviting parking tickets as well as hubcap thieves. Talking of which, the wheels in both versions do not take BMW hubcaps – drivers are not going to like this.

-

The automatic hydraulic door is a big advantage over the minibus’ sliding door. If the passengers’ appendages are left sticking out, the sliding doors tend to guillotine them off, causing much smarting of the eyes. I was pleased to note that the maxi-taxi’s automatic doors, as they swing shut, tend to painlessly compress the passenger-load as opposed to trimming its edges. Passengers are going to welcome this Seat belts on all seats. This cuts by one third the number of passengers who are propelled to the front of the vehicle every time the brakes are applied.

-
A warning: these buses may be safer than combi taxis, but when one is forced to take to the pavements in rush hour, they are decidedly less safe and badly frighten the pedestrians. However, the power steering does allow one to jink and manoeuvre among the traffic lanes without rolling the vehicle, which is a big time-saver as having to get everybody out to roll the taxi back onto its wheels is time consuming.

-
It was, I must say, rather nice driving a bus with sturdy side-panels which do not flex like lungs when one plays music, and neither do the windows pop out, even when I play my Nine Inch Nails’ C.D. at a maximum volume creating some 210 decibels. Altogether I liked the package immensely

-

End of Report

Ever since my Owner joined (PETA) its been a nightmare my nuts are freezing

This is just a spoof but these guys do good work
when they not going overboard that is ;0)
----
PETA
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
--
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), with more than 2 million members and supporters, is the largest animal rights organization in the world.
.
PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: on factory farms, in laboratories, in the clothing trade, and in the entertainment industry. We also work on a variety of other issues, including the cruel killing of beavers, birds and other "pests," and the abuse of backyard dogs.

PETA works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue, legislation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns.
.
PETA's Home Page http://www.peta.org/

South Africa has to win the World Cup in light of all the strikes lately!

I realized yesterday that South Africa is going to win this worldcup

Look at all the Strikers We Have!!!
----------
Heeheee I liked this one its funny

Some more wise words to reflect on today being freedom day here in South Africa

IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS.
IF AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN...... .LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN .
.......
WHY WE DO WE HAVE SO MANY TEMPLES , IF GOD IS EVERYWHERE ?
A WISE MAN SAID : AIR IS EVERYWHERE, BUT WE STILL NEED A FAN TO FEEL IT
.......
LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE
IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK
.......
SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,
MAJOR : EXCELLENT ! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION
........ THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE IT.
THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS " BECAUSE IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Here is a Bummer French artist wipes his backside on flag and calls it art or is that fart?

Now if you had told me this is what the guy thought of Frances
chances of wining the soccer world cup were! I might understand
.......
Nasty stuff if you ask me the three colour becomes a four colour!

PARIS - A photograph of a man wiping his bottom with the French flag prompted the government on Wednesday to demand criminal proceedings against the artist that produced it.

The image, one of the winners in a photo contest organised by the book and record shop FNAC in the southern city of Nice, sparked a controversy after it appeared last month in a free national newspaper, Metro.

Justice Minister Michele Alliot-Marie “has demanded that criminal proceedings be launched against this unacceptable act,” said justice ministry spokesman Guillaume Didier.

“Presumably the law has the legal means to punish such an intolerable act against the French flag,” he added. “If the existing law proves incomplete in this regard, it should be revised.”

The decision was made after the ministry received a letter from Eric Ciotti, a deputy from President Nicolas Sarkozy’s UMP party and president of the Alpes-Maritime region, who deemed the image “offensive” and called for an investigation

He said he had received complaints-from French war veterans-while members of the public-told him the photographer should go to prison.

But Eric de Mongolfier, the Nice prosecutor, said the image did not constitute an offence because it was produced in a 'creative spirit'.

Frederic Vezard, editor of the Metro newspaper which published the photograph, said: 'It is a question of knowing what the limits of art, provocation and freedom of speech are.'

'Insulting' the French flag or the national anthem during a publicly organised event is punishable by up to six months in prison and a fine of £7,000

Back Home in Zululand Another victim of violent crime

Juan will be missed in our community he was a friendly
and well liked young man in his prime
........
Emergency services made every effort to save Juan Champ (37) after he was shot while entering Absa Empangeni on Monday
-------
Well-known Empangeni restaurant manager Juan Champ (37) was ruthlessly shot and killed in a robbery attempt outside Absa Bank in Empangeni on Monday afternoon. Manager of Wimpy Empangeni, Champ was walking into the bank from his business across the street when two armed men ran towards him and the female staff member accompanying him. The men were allegedly trying to steal the money that Champ was going to deposit. During the ensuing struggle, the money bag dropped to the floor and the woman grabbed it and ran into the safety of the bank. One of the attackers then shot Champ in the chest before escaping in a red Golf. A second woman was shot in the hand. Champ ran inside the bank atrium and collapsed on the floor. Emergency services worked hard to save his life, but their efforts were in vain. He was declared dead at Empangeni Garden Clinic at 3.45pm. Empangeni police were quick to follow the suspects, who were seen driving towards Mtubatuba. However, the trail ran cold and the men are still at large. This was the second robbery attempt involving Champ in the past month. Champ was born in Empangeni in 1972 and attended Richards Bay High School. He worked at Wimpy Empangeni for the past 11 years and will be dearly missed by the community.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Our old Rugby legend Naas Botha has three dogs

Naas Botha
-----------------------------
What a trio of mutts
There names are Drop, Skop and Donder
Anybody spot the resemblance

Mom look what I found in the Garage!

Mom I found it in the garage behind Dads tool cupboard
what's it for Mom?

Something in this conversation sounds familiar

Click for larger Image
Darn sounds familiar

Can Nelson Mandela open the World Cup lets hope so?

Blatter hopes Mandela can open World Cup

April 23 2010 at 01:35PM

Zurich - Fifa president Sepp Blatter says he is still hopeful that Nelson Mandela will be healthy enough to open the World Cup in South Africa.

The former South African president, now 91, made his last public appearance to celebrate the 20th anniversary of his release from prison on February 11. The World Cup opens on June 11 in Johannesburg.

Blatter says "we cross fingers that Nelson Mandela ... can realise this dream. And his dream would be to be at the opening of the World Cup. For the time being, he is doing well and we hope that he can do it." - Sapa-AP

......................Wayne...............

I personally hope that Nelson Mandela makes it as that would really be the icing on the cake for South Africa and a dream come true for the fine old Gentleman & Statesman

If it's not Sipho it's that other comedian John Vlismas having a dig at Steve Hofmeyr

Dear Steve, praat sense of hou jou bek

Unlike you, I struggle to take things lying down. Your dramatic pamphlet is problematic. I’ll elaborate.

Firstly, when you need album sales, you become as Afrikaans as you can, then when it suits, you cling to these imagined roots. Last time I checked, yours were blond, big guy. So don’t go double-crossing that bridge, the past is behind us for as long as quantum physics wants it to be.

Europe may have given us some food for thought, but it also gave us the Inquisition, slavery, price-fixing, market manipulation, child prostitution and legitimised drug addiction — no one is innocent. Your tribe sacrificed a third of itself? I think you should ask Verimark if they need an infomercial writer, guy. That is primo drama la merde.

Secondly, when did you become an authority on humanity? Steve, you’re are the people’s pop tart, friend, and a good one. You made music to fulfil your dreams — namely wealth, fame and clearly as much sex as one can cram into a small life (and a google of none-the-wiser platteland vaginas). Hardly the stuff Bikos are made of, is it? He died for his belief, you wore a crash helmet in a car park instead of a condom, dude — let’s keep it real.

If this is insulting, keep swallowing, while we re-introduce reality back into nature. Why not leave the rhetoric to apt primates and stay with verse-chorus-verse, an appropriate format when singing to the choir?

Your critique of Africa’s failure to produce philosophy reminds me of Galileo and the church — “just because I can’t see it must mean it isn’t there” — it’s a big world, Stevie, and most of it is beyond the naked eye … you didn’t mention Ubuntu … is the concept not right up there with the best of Eastern spirituality?

Just because the practitioners are flawed, do we throw it out like unplanned babies with the mineral water? Are you aware that Africa doesn’t have a written tradition of knowledge? Did you know that they burned witches by the millions in Europe not so long ago? Or that in the 1940s “intellectual” Westerners eradicated 8 million Jews under the guidance of a lunatic? Were you aware of the genocides in Yugoslavia even more recently? Do you have the guts to admit that you flaw-fathers had a dark streak?

People are suggesting that you should lead your people, the sadness is that, looking at the outfits and the spit on their chins — maybe they are right — you seem to be heading to that level — and you seem to be breeding your own jungvolk anyway.

I know you are cross, we all get cross — but don’t go tossing your toys into the khaki abyss — your bratz may come back goose-stepping, china.

Next time you’re going to speak your mind, be sure you have enough material to work with.

Original Post http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/johnvlismas/2010/04/22/dear-steve-praat-sense-of-hou-jou-bek

--------As usual I could not shut up and had to reply----------

Dear John

The last time I looked there was exactly one government department working efficiently and that was SARS (why does that not surprise me)

Every other department is mired down in misadministration or corruption! From health to the military and lets not even mention Home affairs. With out fail they all an orgy of absolute decay. Now if you John are to blind to see any of this then you have to be a better comedian than you give yourself credit for!

Steve has only spoken the truth however speaking the truth in South Africa automatically seems to make you a racist? Why is it that all the woes and troubles of Africa are the white mans making or so the politely correct answer would seem to be.

When is Africa going to take fault and stand and say we have made things worse let’s fix them?

Just the past week our president sent out a small glimmer of culpability when he said “after nearly two decades we can no longer blame apartheid for every shortcoming in our government departments”

No my friend Steve stated the glaringly obvious not because he wanted to be racist or political but because it is none other than the truth. The truth is a double-edged sword in Africa for it does not set you free but rather it will get you locked up or killed. But if you choose to wear blinkers and not speak out but rather be a yellow bellied "yes man" then you are more than welcome to do so (understandably it’s the safe option for you)

I am always fascinated when a comedian or a rather washed up version of a comedian wants the world to take them seriously, it is always worth a laugh so John in closing thanks for the laugh

Wayne

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

You got to love Blond jokes

Stay
I pulled into the crowded car park at the
local supermarket and rolled
Down the car windows to make sure my
Lab
Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat
And I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the kerb backward,
Pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
'Now you stay. Do you hear me?'

'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
Gave me a strange look and said,



Why dont you just put the hand brake on?

Watching rugby or drinking a few Beers with a couple of Samoosas is just about as South African as Braai and Boerewors

Samoosa's

This recipe was brought to South Africa by Indian immigrants and has now become a favourite snack of all South Africans.

Dough
375 g cake flour
5 ml salt
250 ml cold water
5 ml lemon juice
15 ml melted butter or margarine

Filling
500 g mutton or lamb, minced
2 ml turmeric
5 ml salt
1 large clove garlic
1 piece root ginger
10 ml freshly chopped coriander leaves
1 green chilli, crushed
2 medium onions, finely chopped
15 ml melted butter
4 spring onions, finely chopped
2 ml garam masala
sunflower oil

To make the dough, sift the flour and salt together and add enough cold water to make a stiff dough. Add the lemon juice and knead the dough gently until elastic. Divide the dough into 12 pieces and roll each into a ball. Roll out 6 balls on a floured surface and shape them into 10-cm diameter rounds. Brush each with melted butter or oil and sprinkle with flour. Stack the rounds leaving the final round ungreased and unfloured. Roll out the stack into a large, very thin, round and trim the sides to form a square. Heat an ungreased baking sheet in the oven at 230 C until very hot, remove and place the dough square on it. Turn the square over several times until the dough puffs up slightly. Remove the square from the baking sheet as soon as this happens. Repeat for the remaining 6 balls of dough.


To make the filling, cook the meat with a mixture of the turmeric, salt, garlic and ginger pounded together, the coriander leaves, and the chillies. When nearly dry, add the onions and cook till the liquid has evaporated stirring often to prevent lumps forming. Add the melted butter and allow the mixture to cool and add the spring onion and garam masala.


To assemble, cut the prepared dough squares into strips 8 cm wide and 25 to 30 cm long. Separate into layers before the pastry cools. Cover with a damp cloth to prevent drying out while making the samoosas). Holding a strip of pastry in your left hand pull the bottom corners across then fold it up to form as triangle with sharp corners and a pocket in which to put the filling. Fill with 10 ml filling then continue folding the pastry across the top of the triangle to seal off the opening. Tuck the edges round to form a neat triangle. Seal the remaining edge with a paste of flour and water and pinch the two bottom edges lightly together. Leave in a cool place for about 30 minutes before cooking. Fry the samoosas in hot oil for about 10 minutes, or until golden, turning often. Remove and drain.

The writing on the wall Zimbabwe’s economic end is now in sight

Zimbabwe's mining sector will be the first target of the country's drive to force foreign firms to cede a majority stake to locals, the indigenisation minister said on Tuesday.

"I am happy to announce that government has unanimously decided that implementation of our indigenisation policy [will] start with the mining sector," Indigenisation and Empowerment Minister Saviour Kasukuwere told journalists.

Under the indigenisation law, which came into force on March 1, foreign-owned firms valued at $500 000 or more must cede at least a 50% stake to local owners.

Firms had been given 45 days to report their efforts at complying, but Kasukuwere said the deadline has been extended to May 15.

Funds 'badly needed' in Zim
The biggest targets include local subsidiaries of British banks Barclays and Standard Chartered, as well as mining companies such as Impala Platinum, Anglo Platinum and Rio Tinto.

Kasukuwere said some mining houses had prejudiced the state by sending money abroad without authorisation.

"They were externalising as much as $280-million. These funds are badly needed here," he said.

"We have so far received more than 400 submissions from various companies and as government we are happy with such an overwhelming response," he was quoted as saying by the Herald newspaper.

President Robert Mugabe has defended the regulations as a measure to correct the economic imbalances created by Zimbabwe's colonial past.
http://www.mg.co.za/article/2010-04-20-zims-company-grab-to-start-with-mining-houses

Monday, April 19, 2010

Get a load of this a bottle of Champers sold in a bar for the equivalent of R550000-00

A vintage Dom Perignon has broken the record for the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold at a British bar – for £35,000.

The methuselah of 1996 Rosé Gold, dubbed the 'King of Champagnes', was sold at a top London hotel. A till receipt shows the buyer left a £10,625 tip – in addition to the £4,375 service charge.

The gratuity raised the total to £50,000, or the equivalent of £1,562.50 per glass.

The buyer – thought to be a Russian billionaire – is said to have spilt ''at least three glasses'' within minutes of the purchase at the Westbury Hotel on Tuesday.

While other champagnes have sold more at auction, the Rosé Gold is believed to be most expensive single bottle ever bought from a bar.

It was sold on Tuesday night at a VIP after-show party following the gala screening of new British comedy, 'Boogie Woogie'.

Elias Yiallouri, the bar manager, yesterday refused to reveal the buyer's identity.

But he said: ''Dom Perignon is famed for being the 'first' or 'stars' Champagne', but Rosé Gold is the finest of all its brands – the champagne of kings.

''The 1996 vintage is regarded as one of the finest in the 20th-Century and with only 35 bottles produced per year, its incredibly rare and sought-after.

''Each bottle is like a piece of fine art – stunningly beautiful, extremely valuable and highly collectable.''

The Rose Gold methuselah – the equivalent to eight standard-sized bottles – is produced by French winery Moët et Chandon and is prized for its ''excellence and elegance''.

The bottle itself has a metal casing dipped in rose gold, and is worth almost £20,000 alone.

It is so easily scratched that sommeliers are instructed to wear white silk gloves when opening or pouring.

According to its makers, the blend is ''characterised by the vivacious interplay between Pinot Noir and Chardonnay grapes'' and is ''copper pink with shades of amber and gold'' in colour.

Life’s lessons a story of two Wolves

The Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee replied, "The one you feed."

Thanks again Ros

Ros thanks for this one could have been you hey lol!

Watch out for a living will

Last night, Edward and I were sitting in the living room and I said to him, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

He got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Old Sipho has a go at Steve Hofmeyr and I just had to ripost on the article



Dear Steve Hofmeyr,

We’ve never met, and what I know of you is what I’ve gleaned from newspaper and magazine articles that detail your suburban conquests there in the East Rand, or wherever your haunt is. You don’t know me, which I’m perfectly happy with.

Despite all this, I decided to write this little letter to you. I think you already know what it’s about. Ja, seriously, dude. What was that hissy fit you threw the other day all about?

I wasn’t going to write to you at first, not wanting to legitimise your childishness, but then I thought about all those poor people who take you seriously, and it is for their sake that I write this.

“You must appeal to base sentiment as Africa has yet to yield a single intellectual, a single thought school, a single intellectual thought not inspired by the very West you and Mugabe detest.”

Seriously, Steve? Is that what you think of Africa?

You think you’ve got problems with Julius, Steve, what about me? Every time this guy gets onto a podium, he proffers to speak on my behalf, just because I’m young and black and not that well endowed, materially speaking. He shoots the boer, in my name. He calls Helen Zille all sorts of nasty things, in my name. He insults Patricia de Lille, in my name. He goes to Zim, gets a big pat on the back from that dictator, in my name! He tramples on constitutional values, in my name.

Well, here’s a bomb shell for you, Steve. Julius Malema and the ANC Youth League do not speak on my behalf. And I know of many young blacks who cringe every time he opens his mouth to speak. The media aren’t so interested in what we have to say, of course. I mean, not being insulting isn’t as newsworthy as being insulting.

Do you know how difficult it is to have to answer for Malema every time I’m with white people, Steve, just because I’m young and black? Do you know how much that frustrates me? And I’m not alone in this. I know I’m not the only one.

Julius is now banned from singing “shoot the boer”. Well done to you and your AfriForum tjommies, by the way. That’s him told. But he’ll still be black and controversial tomorrow. He’ll still get up and say those things on my behalf. That’s not going away any time soon for me. So before you paint us young blacks in one massive stroke, remember me.

I also find it quite funny that you “own” Westernism, just because you’re a white man. Don’t give me that “us” vs “you” nonsense. Where were YOU when the printing press was invented, Steve? Where were YOU when the nuclear bomb was invented? Did you help Gottlieb Daimler with that first motor vehicle? Did Thomas Edison consult with you when he had that light-bulb idea? Until Julius Malema drives a car that YOU built, and wears a shirt that YOU designed, don’t come at me with that humus.

The irony of having to hear a lecture on originality from a man who sings Neil Diamond covers for a living isn’t lost on me either.

Steve, here’s a word of advice. I know you mean well. You had the moral upper hand and everything, but you squandered it by being a cracker. Leave this sort of thing to the people who know what they’re doing when they put pen to paper, alright? Go back to doing whatever it is you do when you aren’t riding bike in the veld. Go back to impressing suburban housewives with that lush goatee of yours.

Warmest regards,

Sipho Hlongwane

http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/siphohlongwane/2010/04/16/need-any-help-removing-your-head-from-your-arse-steve/

--------------------------Ripost---------------------------

Dear Sipho

'

I always think of Sipho as the generic term for a garden boy! Anyway as for a Hlong well we all no that refers to a fellow called Dick. Anyway getting side tracked here so your little rant about old Steve is a little rich coming from a nobody whose only claim to fame is that young Floyd threatened you or so you allege?

'

Steve on the other hand has more talent in his left little finger than you have in your entire hollow cranium dear fellow. Steve has many a claim to fame not least and as you so condescendingly said his “covers of Neil Diamond” but then I suppose most black people would not understand the white mans taste in music and probably think its all just “Vrot Pampoen”

'

Darn I keep getting side tracked here! Oh yes I was just going to say freedom of speech is a wonderful constitutional right and you of all people should relish nay embrace that freedom. However you have had a taste of the dizzy high that a little limelight can give a man so you now spend your time bashing all and sundry from the top of your little shoe box screaming fowl from the depths of speakZA etcetera. Now then you expecting me to say this is wrong of you but that would be hypocritical on my part would it not? So my dear man I like your rants and machinations for it is in them that your true character is revealed!

'

What would that character be you may ask? Well that is easy it is of a man who bemoans the freedoms of speech and press yet hails most who do use this freedom as lunatics and deranged people especially if they do not talk the language or the politics that you in your infinite wisdom believe to be correct. Now my good man yes it is your right and duty to comment on anybody’s thoughts and writings just as I am doing here but beware for not all are going to be kind or agree with your rhetoric just as not all agree with Steve who talks for a limited group of people and does not profess to talk for the likes of you

'

Have a great day Sipho

'

Yours in Translation

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Fifa is going to go Pigeon hunting

Winston the Pigeon takes a low level bombing run at FIFA

Winston, the publicity-hungry pigeon, is back. Still basking in the glory of his September feat, where he proved he could carry 4GB of data from Pietermaritzburg to Durban faster than a Telkom data line, he now has it in for Fifa.

According to a press release sent on the pigeon's behalf, Winston is coming to the rescue of "South Africans who are being bullied by Fifa".

Winston and his pals have "found a way" of flying over the opening ceremony, scheduled for Soccer City on June 11.

"In fact if all goes according to plan Fifa officials could find more than just egg on their faces courtesy of an angry pigeon and his lieutenants."

Winston is protesting the fact that "what is supposed to be the biggest happening in the history of our country and continent is turning out to be a coup and I am not going to stand by and allow it.

"We have even had to change our laws to suit them so that they can walk away with all our money."

The pigeon's call will resonate with many South Africans who feel Fifa has been allowed to ride roughshod over local businesses and soccer fans. Dreams of easy money have been dashed by the prospects of lower visitor numbers and, because it is so expensive to get to South Africa from Europe, the Americas and Asia, those visitors who do come will not be as free-spending as was anticipated.

So, come June 11, South Africans at the opening ceremony will be looking skywards - not just for the flypast and fireworks, but in the hope that a self-righteous pigeon will not miss when he takes aim at the officials below him.

Unless, of course, Fifa is able to mobilise the air force, in which case Winston could find himself looking more like a Nando's ad than a fluffy doer of good. Given its heavy-handed approach to such things, we are sure Fifa would, in that case, try to sue Nando's for ambush marketing.

Friday, April 16, 2010

You got to love this wedding clip

Keeley & Henry's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

Oh man the choice of song is just so crucial I can identify here been there done that and burnt the Bloody T/shirt but this is just so much fun and real cool

Well you can blow me away with this suit now I have seen it all!

Dress your partner as your
own love doll

Man whatever makes your world go around
Usually blow-up dolls or other love dolls are thought of as ‘the next best thing’ or even ‘the last resort’ but now those who prefer the permanently surprised look and instant access can dress their partner as their very own love doll.

The love doll suit is made of latex—which, according to latex fans, means it’s as heavenly to don the doll suit as it is to desire your partner wearing it.

This latex catsuit is for women and men.

New medium weight catsuit with integral hood, mittens and feet. The ultimate love doll suit with open mouth, surprised expression, rear zip (from crown of head to below waist), feature nipples and open crotch with dark pink edging. Please note if ordering for a man - the breast cups are empty and you will need to provide your own padding/falsies
Suppose it beats the blow up sheep some of my New Zealand friends have!

Tired of the violent stupid fools who treat us like Dirt

When are we going to see the end of violent protest action? I went to town today and these SAMWU union clowns from the local municipality are on strike. Now i am not apposed to people striking but when public property is damaged and people are hurt by unruly thugs then that my friends is to much. These twits were dancing around like monkeys in a Zoo trashing the centre of town, throwing garbage over and breaking garbage bins in the street, as well as intimidating the everyday citizens.
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What is wrong with South Africans? Why destroy and burn down everything that you perceive to be against you! Children for Gods sakes are now burning down schools angry commuters burn down trains and any strike action in this country goes violent. When are the clowns who organise this going to realize that we the public are tired of there antics. Do these people not realize that they are paid by the people they are treating with disdain! Yes us Joe public who have to pay ever increasing higher rates and taxes to keep this circus full of clowns turning.
.
There is a point like everything in life where Joe soap cant anymore and that point is fast arriving. We are being milked by unions for ever higher wages not connected to inflation and also ever increasing utility costs way above inflation "Electricity 25%" so at some point we will also take to the streets and beware you tiny little unions the public is a much larger and angrier beast than you dare to imagine.
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The people will eventually revolt we are not money vending machines with an unlimited supply be warned that at some point the sleeping dragon called "Joe Public" will turn on you the ever hungry union who so elegantly think you can control us by a few violent demonstrations. Be warned my friends the Dragon wakes slowly but surely!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

This exert from a sermon by Dr Adrian Rogers entitled "God’s Way to Health, Wealth and Wisdom" is so prevalent to South Africa today

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

~~~~

Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1984

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

At last womans mood swings explained

Professor works out formula to predict mood swings in woman what a Genius. So there you go guys its now easy to work out when to ask her for a little
nookie or if you can go down to the pub

The ever faithful savoury tart a great standard at South African picnics

Ingredients
Pastry
500 g cake flour
5 ml salt
350 g butter or margarine
175 ml iced water
30 ml lemon juice
Filling
30 ml cornflour
500 ml milk
4 large eggs, beaten
3 rashers rindless bacon, chopped
2 slices ham, cubed
5 slices salami, smoked sausage or chopped Vienna sausages
30 ml finely chopped onion
30 ml finely chopped fresh parsley
250 ml grated Cheddar cheese
30 ml seeded and chopped green sweet pepper

Methods/steps

Pastry
Sift flour and salt into a bowl
Rub the butter or margarine into the mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs
Sprinkle the water and lemon juice over the mixture
Press the dough lightly together, do not knead
Wrap the dough in waxed paper until needed
..

Filling
Line a large pie dish with the pastry
For the filling, combine the cornflower and milk then stir in the remaining ingredients, mixing well Pour the filling into the pastry shell and bake the tart at 180 C for 25 minutes or until the pastry is golden and the filling has set Serve hot or cold with a light salad or part of a picnic basket with chilled champagne


A few of life's lessons learnt try them think about them!

Believe in miracles for they are the very foundation of your existence
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Chocolate savor a small piece and watch your mood improve
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Don't waste your precious time, energy, or thoughts on something that is beyond your control. Let it go.

------------------------------- Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back. Recognize your accomplishments and positive qualities and contributions to life.

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Gratitude, the emotion of thankfulness, is one of the key ingredients for living a happy life. Make gratitude a habit and happiness will be yours.
------------------------

Faceless on the joys of Golf and Marriage

Click for larger image
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You got to love this guy

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A piece out of the British Telegraph entitled the “Death Card”

We are not here to mourn the white supremacist Eugene Terreblanche, whose funeral took place yesterday, but since his name is on the world's lips, let's face the truth: the saddest thing about his murder last weekend is that it obscured an event that casts an infinitely darker shadow.

The event took place in Zimbabwe, and involved, as fate would have it, Julius Malema, the ANC Youth League leader whose repeated singing of an old struggle song about shooting Boers is viewed by many Afrikaners as an incitement towards precisely the sort of violence that claimed Terreblanche's life. Even as an iron bar shattered the old right-winger's skull, Malema was in Harare, feasting with Robert Mugabe and picking up tips on how best to destroy the teetering remnants of Western influence here in South Africa. Terreblanche's murder was an individual tragedy. Malema's actions threaten to destroy an entire subcontinent.

Malema openly professes dislike for "children of the colonialists", a term he insists is not synonymous with white people. At other times, he says he doesn't hate white people, just the quality of "whiteness". In Malema's circle, this sort of juvenile wordplay passes as intellectuality. His utterances are often buffoonish, his politics a mix of crude populism and sinister racial demagoguery.

Malema is the vulgarian who dismissed the woman who laid a rape charge against Zuma as a slut, arguing that any female who stays for breakfast in rape's aftermath "clearly enjoyed herself". He levelled similar slurs at Opposition leader Helen Zille, calling her "a racist little girl" who slept with all her male colleagues. In every case, he seemed to relish the resulting outrage, especially if it came from whites. But this was a sideshow. In South Africa, the real struggle is the struggle between rival ANC factions, eager for power and its spoils. It is in this arena that Malema's behaviour acquires a disturbing cast.

When Jacob Zuma came to power a year ago, most observers were expecting a sharp turn Leftward, but the Zulu patriarch was at pains to allay such concerns. He toured the UK and Europe, assuring financiers that their investments were safe in South Africa. A few months later, Malema begged to differ: nationalisation is very much on the cards, he said. Zuma's minister of mines, Susan Shabangu, issued a stern reprimand, saying that South Africa's minerals would never be nationalised "in my lifetime". Malema just laughed, accusing Shabangu of "sucking up to monopoly capital" and hinting she would soon be out of a job.

In African culture, it is shameful to address one's elders in this manner, but Malema got away with it. Emboldened, he took to excoriating his superiors for placing key economic ministries in the hands of whites and Indians. Then he picked a fight with cabinet minister Jeremy Cronin, South Africa's most visible white Communist, who had dared to opine that his enthusiasm for nationalisation had much to do with a fondness for bling and nothing to do with the plight of the poor. In response, Malema reportedly sent Cronin a threatening SMS: "Wait to see what's coming to you."

Alarm was mounting, but Malema appeared untouchable. Two weeks ago, he made an extraordinary speech at the wedding of Robert Gumede, an IT entrepreneur grown rich off government contracts. Grinning malevolently, Malema warned Gumede that the masses were coming to take his money away. Billionaire Patrice Motsepe and ANC treasurer Mathews Phosa were told to expect a similar fate. Zola Skweyiya, South Africa's high commissioner in the UK, was mocked as a coward who had become "scared" of foreign capitalists. "Skweyiya is telling investors in London that nationalisation of mines will not happen," said Malema. The youth leader clearly had other ideas.

Insulting a man of Skweyiya's stature is an unspeakable violation of African etiquette. Malema's utterances were also an outrageous violation of his party's standing policy on nationalisation. I assumed the ANC's elders now had no choice other than to put him firmly in his place. I was wrong. No one said a word.

It was against this backdrop that Malema set forth for Zimbabwe last weekend. In the past, he has always hewed to the ANC line: Mugabe's disastrous policies will not be emulated in South Africa. The rule of law will be upheld, the constitution respected. There will be no land invasions, no nationalisation of mines or businesses.

But something has clearly changed. On his trip to Harare, Malema was met at the airport by a clutch of notorious profiteers whose connection to the great dictator enabled them to grow rich even as their country died. These "vultures" are said to be slavering at the prospect of another killing as Mugabe moves to dismember Zimbabwe's last surviving businesses and mines in the name of "indigenisation".

By all accounts, Malema was thrilled to make their acquaintance. They organised a crowd to sing his controversial song about shooting Boers. Then they whisked him off in a presidential Mercedes Benz and put him up in Harare's most expensive hotel. In return, Malema expressed his unqualified admiration for the policies that have ruined Zimbabwe and vowed to press for their adoption south of the Limpopo River.

"In South Africa, we are just starting," said Malema. "Here you are already very far. We are very happy today that you can account for more than 300,000 new farmers, against the 4,000 who used to dominate agriculture. We hear you are now going straight to the mines. That's what we are going to be doing in South Africa. We want the mines. They have been exploiting our minerals for a long time. Now it's our turn also to enjoy from those minerals…"

On Thursday, Malema reiterated these sentiments at a press conference marked by an ugly racial attack on a BBC reporter. There has been no repudiation. The silence says something truly ominous: Malema has protection. Someone in the ANC – either the president himself, or an awesomely powerful faction inside the party – is encouraging him to rally the masses for a Zimbabwe-style obliteration of Africa's only viable economy and last surviving hope.

I thought that only the South African Communist Party (SACP) was capable of irrationality on such a dumbfounding scale. I was wrong. Malema is not a tool of the SACP. In fact, he's at constant odds with the SACP's leadership. The other day he even resurrected Pretoria's old Red Menace theory, accusing "yellow Communists" – a veiled reference to Indians in the party's leadership – of plotting to control the ANC by secret means. Anyone who voices such painful truths cannot possibly be an ally of the SACP.

Besides, the Reds are fairly sophisticated, whereas Malema's every utterance is a cringe-inducing embarrassment. Listen to him in Harare last Saturday: "They are so bright, so colourful, we refer to them as white people. Maybe their colour came as a result of exploiting our minerals and perhaps if some of us get opportunities in these minerals we can develop a nice colour like them." This is not a coldly scientific Marxist-Leninist. It's Pere Ubu or Idi Amin.

It could be that President Zuma has simply lost control of the ANC, or that Malema is the puppet he uses to mouth ideas too radical to emerge from the presidency. If you ask me, Malema is the point-man for a powerful ANC faction whose motive is greed and whose chosen weapon is racial demagoguery of the most primitive kind.

The trouble is that this card trumps all others. Our underclass is huge, poorly educated and desperately poor. They know what happened in Zimbabwe, but even so, the prospect of loot is irresistible, and that's Malema's bait. Mandela gave them free houses. Mbeki gave them welfare grants, leading to a situation where five million taxpayers support 13 million indigents, with the total rising far more rapidly than our ability to pay. Now Malema and the faceless vultures behind him are offering them the rest. They are playing the death card, the Ace of Spades.

Te morituri salutant.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/7572374/The-man-playing-South-Africas-death-card.html

Have you been wondering about leasing versus buying?

A light-hearted comparison between leasing and buying. In this case, to lease is better than to purchase.

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The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he had sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

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This is Heather.



Leasing

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On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner charges $4,000 per night.

.

This is Kristen.

Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million in total, for sex every night for 5 years:

..

(a $41.7 million savings).

..

Value-added benefits are:

? a 22 year old

? no begging

? no coaxing

? never a headache

? happily agrees to all requests

? no complaining

? no honey-do lists

? has great leg(s)!!

? Best of all, she leaves, and comes back when asked. All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees.

.

Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.

KFC wants to have one Sandwich to rule them all “My Precious” or at the very least clog your arteries

"My Precious"
Behold, the KFC Double Down sandwich. It is, if you really want to know, two slabs of fried chicken inter sliced with two pieces of bacon, two slabs of cheese, and the Colonel's "special sauce." It comes in the form of a sandwich, with the fried chicken where the bread used to be. It's sort of hilarious. It's sort of perfect. And then it'll probably make you vomit....

Did you notice? How in one pseudo-food item, you are consuming not one, not two, but the mutated, chemically injected flesh/byproducts of fully three different distended, liquefied, industrially tortured creatures? Feel the love, pitiable animal kingdom.

You got your chicken-like creature, your pig-like creature, your dairy cow-like creature, all wrapped in a fistful of nausea, ready to strangle your heart and benumb your brain. God knows what's in the "special sauce." Maybe some sort of fish byproduct, just to round it all out. It's like a wild kingdom in your mouth! It's like a toxic zoo in your colon! It's like a suicide note from what's left of your brain! "If you eat this, you are a complete and total idiot

But wait there are many of us idiots who will eat this monster and gladly become part of the obese culture of I want it all and I want it now. Well lets see if this monster makes its way to our shores like Godzilla the over sized silent killer. Lets see our children become tubs of lard in the name of increasing profits.

2012 the mystery revealed!

There have been no less than nine end of days predictions in the last
hundred years the latest of which is 2012

Good triumphs and sanity returns to Golf

Phil Mickelson was doing his best not to cry again as he slipped into another green jacket and tried to express what he couldn't possibly put into words.

Before winning his third US Masters with a final-round, near-flawless five-under-par 67 to post a 16-under total of 272 for a three-shot win, Mickelson had already shed a tear on the 18th green, though he wasn't alone.

Anyone who knew the story had to shed a few too, as Mickelson latched onto the tiny blonde, who had been through so much, and embraced her.

He had struggled on the golf course all year, but that meant nothing. Not compared with the struggles Amy Mickelson went through while battling breast cancer.

There would be plenty of time later to talk about the shot that will live in Masters lore, plenty of time to reflect on what a third title means to his career. Mickelson wanted to talk about something closer to his heart - his wife.

He said: "We've been through a lot this year. It means a lot to share some joy together."

All week long the talk at the Masters was of another golfer and other women: the circus that surrounded Tiger Woods.

Mickelson hadn't been ignored, but he had certainly been overlooked. He wasn't alone because the drama surrounding the comeback of Woods overshadowed the entire week at Augusta National. Until early Sunday evening, that is.

It started with a shot a Vegas high-roller would have never dreamed of betting on. It ended with a scene so touching, it washed away any lingering memories of the stain Woods had put on this Masters.

The man who represents everything that Woods doesn't stood wearing the green jacket that Woods so desperately coveted. Even better, when he looked up on the 18th green, his wife - who had been bed-ridden most of the week - and his children were there to share it all with him.

If it was emotional for Mickelson, it was also therapeutic to golf.

The throngs who crowded every hole as the leaders made their way around Augusta National may not have been sure how much emotion they were going to invest in Woods, but with Mickelson there was no doubt.

They cheered him on every shot, pulled for him at every turn.

And when he hit the shot on No13 no one will ever forget, they roared with delight.

The swashbuckler danced with danger and pulled it off. Mickelson couldn't help himself because, while the risk was great, the reward was even greater.

He could have lost this Masters, too, something caddie Jim "Bones" Mackay was thinking as he debated the wisdom of the shot with his boss of 18 years.

"I begged him to lay up on 13," Mackay said. "He said: 'Get out of the way'."

Mickelson was in the pine needles off the right side of the 13th fairway with two large trees right in front of him and 207 yards to the hole. He had a six iron in hand, and a narrow chute of just a few feet to feed the ball through while making sure he hit it pure enough to clear the water in front of the green.

No one else would have even attempted it. Mickelson didn't give it a second thought.

From that point no one else was in the tournament. I just love that goodness and honesty triumphed over lies and deceit who says good guys come in last?

In the Interest of good health please Guys its ether Beer or Viagra but not both


Friday, April 9, 2010

This clip of Mini Mugabe was beamed around the world what has this country come to?

We are heading into deep waters I am afraid when a self proclaimed revolutionary like Malema can speak for the government and treat people as you see above it is disturbing to say the very least!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Old Guys are so helpful

I was in Home Depot

the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says,

"That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other.. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with strawberry blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight cream longs, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Most old guys are helpful like that.